And this is when my life will start to go down the drain endlessly.
I have to tell myself repeatedly I can’t eat, I won’t eat, I don’t need/want to eat.
I have to endure through this for at least one week…
Just for one week until the semi, which I don’t intend of showing my face in a full-on fat body. So………………the only way is probably suffer for one week and look good than not at all. It’ll be like I have no time to eat, but to starve. I will starve myself for a week.
I’d done it before, and I lost basically 10 lbs from it. I ate lower than 500cals per day, and lost approximately 1.5 lbs for each day. Though, I don’t understand why I still looked as fat as ever. So I assumed that I should…aim for 100 lbs instead. Not losing 100 lbs, but to stay at 100 lbs. I wonder if that’s possible. I don’t want to be anorexic, just skinny as in a good enough body to wear clothes.

I know it won’t be a good idea, because I have skoo to attend to, which means I need calories to get through the day. Really…
There will be some blackouts, but as long as I don’t faint, which is very less likely to happen for just one week, but it will get worse as the second week begin. But the semi would be over by then, so it’s all good; I’ll eat a little by then, and eat all salads with iced-teas, etc…but right now, say no to eating. I’d play DDR while starving, but I know that won’t work. I’d get really dizzy from not eating enough, and restlessly tired. Ima play it today once my mom wakes up (7AM at the moment), and as I begin, I had already dedicated my starvation to start without any withdrawals. I ate a lot yesterday for whatever reason. I just couldn’t feel at ease without eating rice. So no matter what I eat, without a bit of rice, I won’t be full.
That is why, I rather not eat than eat no-rice.

The one method to avoid eating is to drink, eat fruits, and force self to sleep.

“It’s not healthy.” So what? I’m desperate. Don’t give me useless comments. Not like I don’t know that I should take it slow, but I don’t have time. I’m sick of not being wearing small sizes clothes. I feel ashamed when people consider me as “fat” because I don’t want to be fat. I’m a person who cares for appearance 99% of time. I don’t care about my personalities as they built up in me by themselves. I can’t tell myself to act not-me, it won’t work. The other 1% is probably when I’m so tired and exhausted and hate life and stuff……………………………….no…no. You know what, even if I’m tired as hell, I don’t want to look like crap. I don’t use much make-up anyways.

My life would be perfect if my skin would clear up, or better, GET SKINNIER o_O_0_o_o_0…
I want to be able to wear clothes I wasn’t able to wear before. I want to fit in less than size 3 pants, size 0 for dresses. I want to look good for the semi. I just want to look good on the outside. Everybody loves my personalities by nature, so all I have to care for is the look. People are quick to judge. AND I DON’T WANT TO BE LISTED AS ugly, fat, and imperfect; like so imperfect, people have to use the word IMPERFECT to describe them. No one is perfect…but they don’t have to be so imperfect, and THAT is all it matters to me. Close-to-perfection is what I aim for everyday, yet, I ain’t losing much fat…

STARVE.
STARVATION.
C’MON BABY!!
Sleep.

Wish I have those aerobic dance work out thing, looks so fun, AND I’d be able to learn how to dance.
But it’s life, I can’t have what I want, I can only stick with what I have; and what I have is me…starving to near-death.

Buddy will probably be there, and probably with Erica.
I want to look my best, even if he doesn’t come, I still have the peers to pursue. I don’t want those who thought I was skinny, to go…OMFattieG!!!
This is going to be a big step for me.
Chicken and pork are disgusting. Beef is the only thing I’ll ever eat. If ma buy croissant, I’m sorry…I have…to eat them……..too good. If I don’t eat them, they’d be all gone. WHICH IS TOO DESPICABLE TO SPEAK OF, I overly love croissants……………..

Anyh0ow.
Starvation for food deprive activated.

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.
Sleep will help you lose some weights. I think that’s what people say about sleeping. Helps you lose weights if sleep properly, and at least 8 hours. Ima play Sims ’til I fall asleep LOL.